Type of Support People With BPD Want When they are down and ask for your help

Hi everyone,
So yesterday I talked about what it is like to have a friend with BPD. But, if somebody is having a hard time handling what do they want or don't want? Here are some suggestions (this is similar to my article What not to say to somebody when they are down) But this is BPD specific and is mostly things you can do.

• Hug: Obviously only touchy feely people for this one. But sometimes just a hug (I have written about tangibleness before) knowing someone is there and is warm. 
• Go outside or take a walk: So I live in the Northeast and most of the time it is cold at night. It is proven scientifically that cold or a change gives endorphins to the brain
• Talk... but about other topics: So obviously they want too tell you what is going on but they shouldn't dwell and ruminate on it. While there is no specific topic you should talk about something light is better and if that doesn't work...
• ...well doctors are sometimes available: So a lot of doctors have pagers for just this reason. So you can ask can I call the doctor. One key to know: A lot if not all DBT/BPD doctors when they get that page they are not supposed to talk about the problems they are supposed to talk about how to get through that moment and what skills to use. Also, as a friend or parent if a doctor says to help the person you need to do this it doesn't help if you ask the doctor for help and don't listen to them well that helps nobody.
• Know their skill order: Some people go right to friends first so it is not as big of a deal and you can say what skills have you tried but if you know that they use skills first you can ask but don't pester them about it.
• Make sure they are healthy: So if they are not eating than a lot of times they will get more stressed
• Be a support...especially parents: Don't pester about what is going wrong again that is a doctor's job. I don't care if you are a doctor, as a parent I say this all the time: A pediatrician or a cardiologist may be a doctor that doesn't mean they know anything about BPD or how to handle that.  So be a support not someone who makes it worse. 
• Know what works: So let's say they have lots of skills but you are a video game friend, well that is what you should do. I am not saying it works every time but you know what works. 
• Know your town: So what does this have to do with anything? Well actually it is incredibly important. Let's say you are in Pittsburgh and then in Meadville (it is a small town about an hour and a half away from Pittsburgh). Well I love Meadville but there is a lot less medical help there so they are more likely to rely on friends. 
• Know there style: Does it help just to talk on the phone or does it have to be person to person? You need to know what works.
• Set boundaries and don't be the only one: Okay this one is hard to write but you can only help if you are healthy yourself. For me personally I would rather have a person be honest that have them go around the bush until they burn out. It is not fair if they are calling you all the time at 3 am in the morning. But you need to tell them what works.  There is a saying honesty is the best policy and for me that has been true.
• Find people close: SO I have been working on this one. It is great to have friends from other places but if I am in NYC and you are in LA there is only so much you can do. 
• But know that it is different in a way: So most friends don't call at 3 in the morning but know if you called them they would do anything to help you too.
• Lastly... be a friend: You don't have to have all the answers but they don't expect that it is almost the idea of do the short term and not the long term. They just want help getting through that night. 

So this got a lot more specific than I thought. But I hope it helps. Let me know if you have a question and I will try to answer it to the best of my ability.